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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108747">one for the road</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloInTheSun/pseuds/SoloInTheSun'>SoloInTheSun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Background Relationships, Best Friends, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Constipation, Exes, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fuckbuddies, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Lack of Communication, Mutual Pining, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Rock Star Kylo Ren, ben is a player for some of this i'm sorry, drummer kylo ren, there are no depictions of actual drug use</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:07:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloInTheSun/pseuds/SoloInTheSun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>She understands how easy it is to be captivated by his presence--knows all too well how unintentional it can be for eyes to wander past the rest of the band and catch on him, unable to look away for fear of missing something.</em>
</p><p>  <em>Rey knows how effortless it is to fall under his spell and fall into his bed and fall into...everything with him, because he’s so good and dangerous and alive. And when he looks at you, it’s so easy to believe that he’s never laid eyes on anyone else. </em></p><p>  <em>It’s just separating fantasy from the truth that’s hard.</em></p><p> <br/>Or: Drummer Ben Solo and tour manager Rey Niima have a past, but try (not really) to keep it professional.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren &amp; Rey, Kylo Ren/Other(s), Kylo Ren/Rey, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey &amp; Ben Solo, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>one for the road</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is really just an excuse for me to write the 'Ben Solo is a drummer' fic that lives in my head at all times.</p><p>**update**<br/>Well friends, I’ve hit a massive wall of writer’s block on this fic, so it isn’t going to update as regularly as I originally thought. I very much intend to continue, just not on the schedule I originally planned on. I’m still writing this and some other things as well, so there will be updates. </p><p>Thank you for reading and being so supportive with the first chapter! It means the world to me!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey’s foot is already tapping against the asphalt when Hux saunters across the parking lot, expertly balancing his travel bag, a blueberry muffin and a Styrofoam cup filled to the brim with hot coffee. His hair is looking even more ludicrous than usual, which bothers her if for no other reason than no human being should be allowed to use that much hair gel, ever. </p><p>“You’re late,” she admonishes. </p><p>“Ah, maybe late, but not last.” </p><p>It’s taken almost two months on the road together for Rey to find Hux’s smug expression anything other than infuriating--though the fact that she finds him tolerable at all is mystifying. He’s objectively an asshole--impatient, easily embittered by stupid things (like being asked to stand slightly behind Bazine in photoshoots instead of front and center, even though he’s never front and center because he plays the goddamn bass), and takes approximately eighteen hours to choose the same muffin from the same continental breakfast at every hotel--but...he also hasn’t gotten them into any legal trouble yet, so that redeems him of almost all of his other shortcomings.  </p><p>“It still counts,” she huffs. “Anyways, you’re late enough that Gwen and Baz took the good seats.” </p><p>Rey’s been running around like a headless chicken since about four a.m. (locating a van’s worth of missing merchandise, talking them out of getting impounded, and arranging last minute VIP passes to tonight’s show for at least twelve of Bazine’s cousins that suddenly came out of the woodwork), so she hasn’t actually been on the bus yet to confirm that fact. Still, it’s statistically unlikely that she’ll climb aboard and find the two of them anywhere other than stretched out on the bunk and the sofa respectively. </p><p>Because they’re always on time. Because they know how to read a clock, unlike <em>some</em> people. </p><p>“Fuckers,” Hux hisses, and stomps his matte leather Chelsea boots a little harder than necessary up the steel steps. Rey plucks the coffee from his grip before it can splash onto his hands. The last thing she needs is to give him first aid because he scalds himself during a temper tantrum on the day they play Madison Square Garden--that is, if they can ever get out of Pennsylvania. “I suppose consideration for others is too much to ask for on this tour.” </p><p>“Would you kindly shut the fuck up?” Gwen snaps from inside the bus, her voice drifting out the open window. The window above the sofa. "You're already giving me a headache." </p><p>That makes both of them. </p><p>“I will when all seven feet of your gargantuan body removes itself from the spot I claimed <em>yesterday</em>.” </p><p>They’re about six days overdue for a day off and it shows. Not only has Hux’s usual bitchiness risen to near unprecedented heights, but Bazine’s voice is fried, and Gwen looks about two seconds away from smashing her guitar on stage at any given moment. Or over Hux’s head. Whichever comes first.  </p><p>And that’s not even factoring in Ben’s ever-increasing proclivity to fuck everything that walks--though it’s hard to discern whether that inclination has anything to do with needing a day off, or if it’s just his way of coping since his doctor expressed that he really, really can’t use cocaine anymore. </p><p> That, or he just likes to fuck, which is the harder option to deal with...because of reasons. </p><p>“Alright, enough,” Rey cuts them off before a proper argument unfolds in the parking lot of a fucking Fairmont. “We’ve got bigger concerns this morning than the seating arrangements.” </p><p>Like finding their wayward drummer, which she’s been putting off for as long as humanly possible...because of aforementioned reasons. </p><p>“I don’t suppose you’ve seen him yet?” Rey asks hopefully. </p><p>Hux does her the honor of not completely scoffing in her face. “What do you think?” </p><p>“What I think and what I hope are two very different things,” she sighs, and hands him his coffee now that he’s finished clomping about. “I’m hoping you’re going to tell me he’s just taking his sweet time buttering his bagel at the buffet.” </p><p>And there he goes again, doing that smug thing with his face. How a person can contort their entire expression so effortlessly is beyond her comprehension. “I suppose that’s one way of putting it.” </p><p>It’s a toothy, leering sort of look that leaves very little room for the imagination. </p><p>“Oh good,” Rey groans, and resigns herself to the inevitable. “Cross your fingers that I don’t see his dick today, then.”  </p><p>At least it’s a nice change of pace to hear Hux laugh, even if it’s at her expense. </p><p>**<br/>
She meets him during the first semester of her freshman year at university--and like most things, it’s Poe’s fault. </p><p>She goes to a party with Finn, who’s dating Poe, who’s in a band with him. He still goes by his given name, and the way he carries himself gives the impression that he’s only just starting to grow into his limbs and grow out his hair. </p><p>She notices him before Finn points him out because he's got a strange face, but strange in the way that she doesn't really want to stop looking at it. <em>Kay’s on bass, Snap’s on guitar, Ben plays drums. He’s pretty good. Poe says he’s way too good for the band, but I don’t know what a ‘too good’ drummer even looks like, you know?</em></p><p>It only takes a couple of songs for her to start thinking it must look something like Ben. </p><p><em>Come meet my drummer</em>, Poe says afterwards with that smirk, like he already knows this night is going to end with her back against Ben’s bedroom door and his head between her thighs. </p><p>It’s only sex for the first four months. She works two jobs when she’s not in class, and Ben tries to gig as many nights as he can while finishing his degree. They’re too busy for anything but casual, so they see each other when they can--usually sometime after 2 a.m. when Ben wraps up a show and Rey gets done working her second shift. She usually falls asleep in his bed, even though she never means to stay. He can never sleep, so he writes songs in a battered notebook, holding as still as he can beside her. He tries not to wake her when his legs inevitably start to cramp, but she always does--just to ask one more time if he wants her to get out of his bed and go home. He kisses her until she doesn’t feel the need to ask again. </p><p>They have a routine for a while. Study, work, fuck, repeat. It’s a regular thing because they want to and because she likes the way her name sounds on his lips when he falls apart. But then things get complicated, because that’s just what summer does to people. Classes break from May to August, which means they fuck more, and start doing things after they fuck more, like watching movies, and eating ice cream, and playing Mario Kart until their eyes feel like sandpaper. </p><p>And then they start doing those things without fucking sometimes, just because they like each other. Because they’re friends. </p><p>They’re friends who come to a silent, mutual agreement that they shouldn’t talk about it because what if saying it out loud suddenly makes things weird? </p><p>When summer comes to an end, they don’t talk about whether she should still come over for dinner on their nights off, or if he’s going to keep teaching her how to play the drums even though it always ends with him shouting at her to <em>hit the snare on the </em>downbeat <em>Rey</em>. They don’t talk about whether he wants his hoodie back, or if she still wants to meet his parents when they visit for Christmas. </p><p>By mid-September, she stops leaving her toothbrush at his apartment because she doesn’t have time to make it across town. By the beginning of December, he’s signed to a label. </p><p>There’s no hard feelings, just a promise she doesn’t expect him to keep. </p><p>“<em>I’ll see you around, sweetheart. Okay?</em>” </p><p>She doesn’t cry when his car pulls away from the curb because it feels stupid to shed tears over someone so excited to go. </p><p> So, yeah. She has her reasons. </p><p>**<br/>
Rey has to knock four times before the deadbolt turns, which is never a good sign. It generally means Ben is either passed out face down somewhere, or he’s balls deep. Both options are equally disturbing. </p><p>When the door does finally swing open, it’s at the hands of a barely-legal blonde clad only in Ben’s faded Pantera t-shirt, the words <em>FUCKING HOSTILE</em> splashed in big block letters across her tits. It’s a fitting choice for Rey’s current frame of mind. </p><p>“Who is it?” Ben calls from inside, even though he knows full well who it is. Rey has to remind herself to take a deep, calming breath. </p><p>“I dunno,” the girl answers, looking her up and down. “She kinda looks like someone’s mom.” </p><p>Rey’s first instinct is to be insulted, because firstly, she’s not even twenty-five yet so there’s no need to go there--but then she remembers the yoga pants, the oversized woolen cardigan, and the utter rat’s nest of hair sitting atop her head and...yeah. She does probably look like she’s just rushed her four children off to school with barely enough time to make their first period. Which, in fairness, is sort of what’s going on here. </p><p>Her second instinct is to call her a liar. The girl--Allie, knows exactly who she is. After all, it was Rey who thoroughly and meticulously checked her ID before she let her anywhere near Ben or his hotel room after last night’s show. So yeah. Lies. </p><p>The third instinct is to make a scene in this very fine establishment the moment she hears a distant, albeit delighted little snort escape Ben’s idiotic face.  </p><p>“You know damn well who it is,” she whispers hotly, not loud enough to alert the whole floor, but loud enough to make sure he hears. “Though I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare if you’re not on the bus in the next ten minutes.” </p><p>What a strange, bizarre life she’s living--scolding Kylo Ren from the other side of a closed door, fiercely guarded by a groupie whose name he probably can’t even remember. Kylo Ren, with his six Grammy Awards. Kylo Ren, who once told her he’d rather die than leave the warmth of her body after bending her over the back of a futon in her too-small dorm room. </p><p>How strange. How bizarre. </p><p>There’s an inconvenienced sigh from across the room and the sound of covers rustling. “You’re already my worst nightmare. That isn’t a great incentive.” </p><p> He really has given her no choice. </p><p>Rey gives a tight, apathetic smile as she plants her hand against the door and forces her way into the room. </p><p>“Hey!” Allie protests and rushes to Ben’s side so quickly that it would be laughable if it weren’t sort of sad. Her fealty to the mighty Kylo Ren would fly out the window at breakneck speed if she knew how many people Rey’s kicked out of his bed this week alone. </p><p> If Allie is alarmed at the intrusion, Ben is her polar opposite. He’s never looked less perturbed in his life, lying in bed with his arms propped behind his head. Smirking. <em>Asshole.</em></p><p>“You,” she aims a finger at Ben. “Get up. And you,” she turns to Allie. “Leave.” </p><p>Allie bristles, because Rey hasn't been pushed to the end of her rope just yet. “It’s Kylo’s room. If he wants me to leave, he can tell me to leave.”  </p><p>If this is how the entire day is going to shape up, she’s going to resign, effective immediately. </p><p>“Oh, my God,” Rey checks her watch. They have twenty minutes to get wheels on the road before she’ll have to delay soundcheck. Again. “They do have security here and I will call them, regardless of what either of you want. Now say your tender goodbyes and get out.” </p><p>Rey sees movement in her periphery--Ben reaching up to cover his mouth. He does a very poor job at masking his amusement. When she levels him with a glare and sets her hands on her hips, incensed, his eyes flash with something dark that makes her either want to kiss him or smack him. She can't tell which.  </p><p>“<em>Kylo</em>,” she grinds out and jerks her head towards the door. Whatever she may have seen in his eyes clears as soon as he rolls them at her. A slap, then. Definitely slap. </p><p>“C’mere,” he turns his attention to Allie, his finger hooking in the hem of the shirt to pull her closer. </p><p>Rey's eyes drop quickly down to her phone, because this is part that she hates the most. It doesn’t get any easier, no matter how many times she's done it. This is always the part that makes that annoying little pit in her stomach bloom with jealousy, expressly against her permission. The intimacy. It’s harder to deal with than the sex. </p><p>She pretends to be absorbed in sending an email when Allie moves easily into his touch, because Rey does still have some sense of self-preservation left--even if it was completely absent on the day he asked her to consider working for him.  </p><p>“Did you have a good time?” he hears him ask, his voice low and deep. There’s a breathy, feminine hum and the sounds of sheets shifting, urging Rey's inner masochist to look up just in time to see him kiss her.  “Good. I did too.”  </p><p>Rey is on the verge of issuing another warning when Ben finally takes it upon himself to be useful and shoo Allie away to change. As soon as the bathroom door clicks shut behind her, Rey rounds on him. She hopes she looks half as exhausted as she feels, just to make him feel bad for making her life harder. </p><p>“Is there some clause in my contract that says you are obligated to make my job as difficult as possible?” </p><p>“I don’t know what you mean.” </p><p>“Oh, no? So you’re unaware of the fact that you are the least helpful, most irritating man I’ve ever met?” </p><p>His face twists up derisively. “You say that like you haven’t met Hux.” </p><p>“Hux doesn’t make me interrupt him mid-coitus to remind him he has a job to do.” </p><p>He lifts an eyebrow. “Careful, Rey. You're starting to sound like someone's mother.” </p><p>“Ben, I swear--” </p><p>“Alright, alright,” he lifts his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. I'll be better about oversleeping.” </p><p>She’s maybe a little too obvious when she lets her eyes travel down the freckled expanse of his chest, stopping where the bedsheet pools low on his hips. She’s made a very concerted effort over the last eight weeks to not let her gaze linger for too long when his shirt comes off, but she’s only human, and damn him if he doesn't notice. </p><p> "See something you like?" he teases. </p><p>“I see that you’re naked.” </p><p>“That's very astute of you, Rey. I can see why NYU graduated you with honors.” </p><p>“My point is that you don’t sleep naked,” she huffs. “<em>Jackass</em>.” </p><p>“Ah, so you <em>do</em> remember.” </p><p>He doesn’t look as pleased as she thought he would to take her off guard. Instead, he watches her carefully like he knows he’s just stepped straight over the line they’ve been toeing. </p><p>Though 'toeing' may be too generous. Toeing would imply that they’ve at least talked about it a little bit, in some sort of roundabout way, and they most certainly haven’t. </p><p>They’ve talked about other things, like the professors they both used to loathe, or mutual friends neither of them have seen in years, or that last episode of The Sopranos that neither of them ever got around to watching because it was something they did together and it felt too strange to finish it alone, even though the ending has been spoiled since before they ever started. </p><p>They’ve talked about being friends. Full stop. Until now, that is--with Miss Pittsburgh in the lavatory not ten feet away. The timing is not ideal. </p><p>“Obviously,” she dismisses him quickly. “Now will you kindly get the fuck up so we can get to the venue at least somewhat on schedule? I’m still paying the price for letting you delay soundcheck in Denver and I’d prefer it if there wasn’t a repeat. Snoke’s a fucking asshole when it means money out of his pocket.” </p><p> Ben mercifully lets it go. </p><p>“You got in trouble for Denver?” </p><p>“Uh, yes. Your actions have consequences, even if you’re not there to face them.” </p><p>He opens his mouth to...she doesn’t exactly know what. Apologize? Maybe. Make an excuse for his behavior, both past and present? Also maybe, though slightly less likely based on the way he’s just sitting there frowning at her. She doesn’t know and it’s not the time even if she did because Allie slinks out of the bathroom not a moment later fully dressed in her clothes from the night before.</p><p><em>Just go</em>, Rey wills her silently. <em>Go to the door. Turn the handle. Walk out and--</em>

</p><p>“Thanks again for last night,” she bites her lip, her hand lingering on the door. <em>Damn.</em> “And this morning.” </p><p>“My pleasure,” Ben winks, and Rey considers the repercussions of putting her own head through the drywall a few times.</p><p>Head trauma, unfortunately, is not on the schedule.</p><p>“T-shirt,” she says instead.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“The t-shirt,” Rey repeats, holding her hand out. When the girl doesn’t budge, Rey wiggles her fingers. It earns her a muttered ‘bitch’ under her breath as Allie proffers the borrowed shirt from her bag and hands it over. </p><p>Damn, she's good at her job. </p><p>“Thanks so much for being a fan,” she simpers, because victory is sweet and she's too irritated to school her expression into anything resembling professionalism. </p><p>Allie all but slams her door on the way out and Ben's face breaks out into a roguish grin. </p><p>"What?" she snaps. </p><p>He looks like he considers keeping his mouth shut for about a split second. </p><p>“Have I ever told you how hot you are when you're mad?” </p><p>Rey balls up the t-shirt and lobs it at his head. </p><p>**<br/>
The crew starts calling her a miracle worker after only a couple of weeks on tour. <em>Smoothest running operation since I’ve been on road crew</em>, Mitaka tells her one day after rehearsal. It starts making her realize maybe she isn’t as under-qualified as she thought when Poe first dropped the bomb in her lap back in April. </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, you did what?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I told him you’d meet him for lunch next week.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey sets her fork down with a heavy clank against her plate. “Poe, you can’t just do that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Technically, I can,” he shrugs. “It’s business related.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“Oh, well in that case,” she huffs, giving up on her food to cross her arms over her chest. “Please, do go on. I’m interested to see how you’ll spin this one.”</em> </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“Alright, so you know Kylo’s band, Silencer?”</em> </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s insulted that he feels the need to phrase it as a question seeing as Silencer’s been on every top ten chart since their album dropped a few months ago and she works in the fucking music industry, but she lets it slide.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“Yes, I know them,” she deadpans. “And don’t call him that. It’s weird.”</em> </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m a talent agent. It’s my job to respect his artistic choices,” he defends.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s not even a real name.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“Okay, listen, that isn’t the point,” he waves her argument away with a fork full of noodles, threatening to mar her white tablecloth. “They need a tour manager.”</em> </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>She waits for the rest of the sentence, but it doesn’t come. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“And?”</em> </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And I told him you did an excellent job managing my band’s tour.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey heaves a sigh. “Poe, you didn’t.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“What? He asked for a list of qualified candidates.”</em> </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not qualified. I’m in finance.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. Stop short selling yourself,” he shakes a finger at her. “You know half of what a tour manager does out there? Finance. Plus, you do finances at a record label. My record label,” he adds. “Which I’d be more than happy to give you sabbatical from so you can tour with a multi-platinum selling band. You’re welcome.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Poe, I managed that tour when I was twenty-two years old,” she groans. “It wasn’t even a real tour! You did five shows in New Mexico.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Five very excellent, efficiently managed shows. Totally on budget. We were all very happy with your performance.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes she fantasizes about slapping him upside the head. It isn’t often, but it does occasionally cross her mind in moments like these.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well that was a favor for you, and he is...not you, so. Not interested.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Poe isn’t meeting her eyes now, and Rey knows what he’s going to say before he says it. “I already confirmed the meeting and he has a very difficult schedule. I’ve been advised not to cancel.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey levels him with a hard stare. “I don’t like you right now. You’re like, close to the bottom of my list of people I currently enjoy.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>Poe rolls his eyes. “Come on,” he nudges her foot beneath the table. “One meeting. Hear him out. He’s gone through six tour managers in the last two years and he and I are both convinced that you’re the best fit for the job. You’ve always been good at dealing with his whole…,” he waves his fork again, this time spattering her table with red sauce. He has the good sense to look guilty. “...thing.” </em> </p><p>When she meets Ben the next week for lunch, he flops down across from her at a café in Santa Monica dressed all in black, and pushes his Ray-Bans to the top of his head. He grins at her like it’s been five minutes instead of five years. </p><p>“Told you I’d see you around, kid.” </p><p>She signs the contract a week later. </p><p>**<br/>
“Well well well, if it isn’t the prodigal son.”</p><p>Ben gives Hux the finger as he skulks onto the bus, his hair still damp from the perfunctory shower Rey allowed him all of five minutes to take. They’re even further behind schedule now, but it’s better than sitting within a ten foot radius of him while he smells of sex and cheap perfume. </p><p>“Stop it,” Rey chides. Ben gives a vexed roll of his jaw, but obediently puts his finger down. It makes her smile despite her best efforts. He’s a menace and a nuisance, but he does make it difficult to stay mad at him for long...especially when she can see his ears just barely peeking through his hair like they are. It makes him look...cute. Sweet, even. Like Ben. She's sure the ears have that effect on everybody. </p><p>He starts rummaging through his bag for his headphones before he’s even fully sitting down, which she’s learned is Ben speak for ‘leave me the fuck alone,’ so she does. Or she starts to anyway, until Ben’s fingers wrap gently around her wrist. </p><p>“Sit with me.” </p><p>“You’ve got your headphones in.” </p><p>“So?” </p><p>“So that generally means you don’t want to be bothered.” </p><p>“I don’t.” </p><p>Rey fixes him with a blank stare.</p><p>“Right, so I was just going to…” she nods towards the empty table where she was planning to get at least a little bit of work done before they hit New York. </p><p>“You don’t bother me, Rey.” </p><p>She blinks at him for a moment, because even though she knows it’s true (they are still friends, after all--even if it’s a weird, unorthodox, blurry-lined kind of friendship) it’s still nice to hear him say it. </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>He lets go of her wrist once she drops down beside him, his head tipping to rest against the back of the seat. He goes still mere minutes after the bus pulls onto the freeway, and soft, rhythmic breaths push past his lips despite the fact that she can hear the opening riff to Master of Puppets blaring out of his headphones. His ability to fall asleep is uncanny--though it’s probably just his body’s best attempt at righting itself due to his general lack of sleep and...whatever he and Allie got up to last night. And this morning. </p><p>She really can't go very long without thinking about it now. It just <em>bothers</em> her. The fucking thing. It’s been niggling at her more lately--which sucks because it’s not like she wasn’t aware of it when she agreed to take the job. <em>He’s trying to stay sober</em>, Poe warned her, ironically, after she was already contractually obligated. <em>So I think he’s kind of...overcompensating.</em></p><p>It's just something she's going to have to get over, like Bazine's propensity to answer Facetime calls in public, or Hux. Ben is a fully grown adult. He’s allowed to sleep with whomever, however often he pleases, so long as it’s not interfering with his work. And honestly, it’s a much less heartbreaking and terrifying reality than him using again, so she should feel okay with it. Indifferent about it, even. </p><p>But she doesn’t, and now it’s been made even worse by the fact that he had to go open his big, dumb mouth and point out that she is not, in fact, suffering from a bout of amnesia that left her with no memory of anything outside of their friendship. </p><p>And isn’t that just a fun cherry on top of everything else she’s got going on? </p><p>“Why’re you looking at me like that?” </p><p>Rey jumps at the sound of his voice. </p><p>“I’m not,” she lies, her eyebrows furrowing. “...Like what?” </p><p>“I don’t know," he tugs an earbud loose. "Like you just found out that Ringo Starr spends his free time kicking puppies.” </p><p>Her mouth drops open, horrified. “Don’t put that into the universe about Ringo. He’s a delight.” </p><p>“He’s criminally overrated and you know it.” </p><p>“You need more sleep. You’re clearly delusional.” </p><p>Ben chuckles and pushes his sunglasses out of the way so he can scrub his hand over his face. They’ll need to make a stop for caffeine soon, for both of their sakes. </p><p>"Maybe." </p><p>“Hey,” she drops the act and bumps their knees together. “Seriously. You’re looking rough.”  </p><p>“Thanks.” </p><p>She gives him a sympathetic smile. “When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?” </p><p>He blows out a deep breath, displacing an errant lock of hair from his forehead. It’s starting to dry in a funny sort of way, a mix of waves and curls that don’t really want to lay flat. He’ll have to shower again when they get to the venue just so he can blow dry it into place. “Umm...2007?” </p><p>Rey tuts. Like someone's mother. Oh God. “You should go upstate for a couple days. You’ll rest more if you’re away from the city.” </p><p>They’ve got two days off after tonight’s show and if she’s being completely honest, she hasn’t exactly been looking forward to keeping tabs on the band somewhere as vast as New York City, even if it is their home. Him leaving town would do both of them a world of good. </p><p>“I don’t sleep well when I’m alone.” </p><p>“You don’t sleep well when you’re not alone, either,” she points out, one eyebrow raised. </p><p>“Well yeah, but that’s by choice.” </p><p>“Then make better choices.” </p><p>Ben looks at her for a long moment, studying her face. His silence is usually an indicator that he’s formulating something sarcastic, so it’s surprising when he replies with a simple, “I’ll try. For you.” </p><p>It's unexpected. And nice. Unexpectedly nice.  </p><p>“Oh," she falters. "Well...good, then. Thank you.” </p><p>Ben hums and turns his attention to his phone, scrolling through Spotify to find a new song...and okay, maybe the way he said <em>for you</em> has her a little worked up, because now she's looking at his hands. Why are they so large? And have they always been? Surely not. She would have noticed. Or remembered. Or maybe she's just repressed the memories, because now that she really thinks about it, she does recall a foggy image of those hands engulfing the entirety of her hips as he pressed into her and-</p><p>And she probably needs to get laid. Soon. Not by him, obviously. Because that would be a colossally bad idea. An absolutely terrible, awful, dreadful and foolish--</p><p>“Do you want to come?” he asks, and she immediately pales because shit, did she say that out loud? She didn't, did she? <em>Shit, shit, shit.</em>

</p><p>“What?” </p><p>He looks at her like she's grown a second head. "Do you want to come with me if I go upstate?," he says it deliberately slowly. "I’ve got a house in the Catskills.” </p><p>"Oh."<em>Thank fuck. </em>"Um..."</p><p> It takes a second, but his words do eventually set in. He's got a house in the Catskills. Of course he does. He's probably got at least six different houses across the world, meanwhile she's got a studio apartment in North Hollywood that's barely big enough to contain her and her six year old snake plant. He's probably got a big ol' mansion in the woods. And he's just invited her to it. For two days. With him. 

</p><p> "I can't. I've got too much to do. Tour's not gonna run itself, and all that." </p><p> "You can work from the house. It does have internet and all the other modern amenities available in the twenty-first century. And anyways," he says with an almost undetectable twitch of his lips. "I might get myself into trouble if you're not there." </p><p>She pulls her head back, incredulous. "I'm flattered, but really?  You don't think you can keep yourself in check for 48 hours? In your own home?”

</p><p>Ben grins and his eyes glint in a way that makes something unfurl deep and warm in her chest. “You wanna take that risk, sweetheart?” </p><p> She blinks twice and sucks in a deep breath. </p><p>“Not really, no.” </p><p>She supposes that’s that, then. </p><p>**<br/>
Their soundcheck is a goddamn disaster, so it really is a miracle that the show goes off without a single hitch. </p><p>Bazine’s voice sounds clear and strong the entire time, despite the fact that she ran sharp the entire warm up, Hux doesn’t miss any of his entrances, Gwen, blessedly, does not destroy any of her equipment, and Ben--well, he does what he does best. The minute his feet hit the stage, the façade slides imperceptibly into place and he becomes Kylo Ren. </p><p>And Kylo is...devastating. His movements are strong and sure and he keeps them in time with thundering crashes and a punishing snare. He’s a little unhinged, even though he’s in complete control. His body pulses with each beat like a livewire.</p><p>She understands how easy it is to be captivated by his presence--knows all too well how unintentional it can be for eyes wander past the rest of the band and catch on him, unable to look away for fear of missing something.</p><p>Rey knows how effortless it is to fall under his spell and fall into his bed and fall into...everything with him, because he’s so good and dangerous and alive. And when he looks at you, it’s so easy to believe that he’s never laid eyes on anyone else. </p><p>It’s just separating fantasy from the truth that’s hard.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**EDITING NOTE**<br/>Hi lovelies! Just a quick note to let you know that I've done some edits to chapter one. None of the edits change the content or trajectory of the story, so if you don't go back and reread the edited first chapter, fear not! You'll still be up to speed for chapter two. I basically just added some things that I feel fill the chapter out a bit more and get it closer to the picture I was envisioning. It's my own fault for being too excited to share instead of focusing on how I could make it better before I put it out in the world. Rookie mistakes :) </p><p>Thank you so much for reading it and leaving such lovely comments! I'm so happy to share it with you! xoxo</p></blockquote></div></div>
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